i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
