Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
