Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
