Ketchup is God's man juice
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Randomize
