he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
