Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
