I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
