i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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