dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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