Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
