shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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