Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
