i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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