But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
return my video game
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
