Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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