Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize