New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
