I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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