You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will be naked everywhere
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
