I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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