I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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