i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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