i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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