I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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