dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
