I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Me too!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
