Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
