I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
