so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
