oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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