You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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