i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
