I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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