We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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