Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
