i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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