You really coming over, don't trick.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
