I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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