I feel like abortions should bother me more
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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