Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
