Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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