my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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