You're my little dorito
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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