I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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