I want to make a zoo with you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
