There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
