My nipple is on Facebook.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
