Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
