just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
