I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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