i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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