:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
