If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
