ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
