no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
