awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
