did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
