Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
