I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
