I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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