I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Randomize
