i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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