Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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