I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
