Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
