my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
