i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
