yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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