I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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