Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
