it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize